Who Is In Control?

One Day has finally arrived!  I have jettisoned a full time job and am only working two days a week.

My husband and I are comfortably positioned for retirement (both of our kids are through college, we live in our retirement home, we can focus on what we want-in December we are cruising to St Thomas and next July we are going to China). 

Now to focus on hobbies; which are?  I like to write, garden, travel, paint, do anything artsy fartsy...
My husband likes to golf, wood work, volunteer in a prison ministry, travel and exercise. 

Living in Augusta has good points and bad points.  No where else would I able to do what I want-which is a great thing.  I do get bored but I try to keep myself busy.  We both live a day away from our families.  We met in high school so our families live only 10 minutes apart.  I am thinking that is a good thing.  We are close to Ft. Gordon so we can enjoy all those military benefits my husband worked so hard  for in his career.  We live in a great house in a great neighborhood.  Our friends are mostly all military and we go to a chapel at Ft. Gordon. 

I am in a witer's support group with 3 other women I care deeply about.  I go to Bible Study once a week.  My husband just suggested that we go to the High Museum on Wednesday since we are going to be up there for Thanksgiving.  Life is good.

The one negative (and it is a biggee) is that we are aging-rapidly.  My husband's mom is 96 and has just fallen for the umpteenth time.  I have gained all kinds of weight since my hysterectomy.  My husband (damn him) still looks great and can still fit into his cadet unform.  My daughter has stated that she doesn't like me and so I feel my life has been all for nothing.

My son doesn't need me as much.  I have published a book, but other than that my accomplishments are few.  Time is running out.  I am desperately searching for something to do to fill up my retirement. 

I guess the whole point of this diatribe is not to worry about what you cannot change and the negatives are beyond my control.  I guess, as a boomer, I have always been in control and therein lies the rub. Am I starting to release my white knuckle grip on reality?  I hope so.  Some things are not worth the time.

Back When

Grandma was usually waiting for me on the porch.
   She would cup my chin in her hand and
Exclaim I was the prettiest little girl in the world.

She had three girls of her own, so
I always figured she knew what she was talking about

Grandma wasn't sophisticated, and her house certainly wasn't fancy
My grandpa had built it
Back when sturdiness was in style.

I used to love to go exploring through the house
And stand in awe of the calendar picture of Jesus
On the wall in the living room.

At night, I could hear the mice running through the bedroom walls,
And I would snuggle down until the musty smell of the the quilt would leave me gasping for air.

My grandparents were simple folk who lived
Back when you didn't have to know interesting people
Or have lots of things or money.
Grandpa is dead now, but
Grandma still lives in the same sturdy house
With the picture of Jesus on the wall above the lamp.

(page 16, Saltwater Blues:  Snapshots of a Military Family

This I Know



Sunshine playing hide and seek in the trees

Creating  shadows to keep pace with the beating of my heart

The druming of time

Keeps rhythm with the metronome of the collective soul

 

How very leisurely

Almost cavalierly

The slithering shoes

Walk through the ashes of my past and future

Tripping over the laces of the present

 

Step forward

Retreat and duck

Time will out

 

 

 

 





Wasting Time

Wasting Time

Life is much too short

But therein lies the rub

Regrets take up too much of our energy

Choose to be happy

Be your best self

And you will never waste time