Happy New Year or Do We Just Settle?

Life can be challenging or not.  It all depends on our singular  attitude.  Sometimes I can remember with gusto, but lately I just sit around and pretend to challenge life.  It can all be so dreary.  We tend to insulate ourselves from the realness of experience.  When did I loose the wonder?  When did I loose my smile?  It is the wonder that keeps the stars apart; TS Elliot said that.  I "wonder" what he was drinking?  

No matter what, life is the better choice.  A good friend told me that.  And he was right.  Always choose the change-what lies just around the bend.  I have even started painting again.  I am writing this-always moving forward.  Forging ahead is good but it does get tiresome.  My God, there are debts to pay and  doctors to visit, .  I do get tired.

I hear fireworks outside.  I have heard them for more years than I care to remember.  But they are always new, always an affirmation of things to come.  Such a celebration.  There is hope in my tiredness-am I merely giving into the years of living?  I hope not.   Tomorrow is a brighter day and a new sun to delight the sky.  

The Key

My sixty-fifth birthday was all about reflection.  I had spent the previous week in Las Vegas with my husband.  We didn't even gamble and I only drank wine with my meals-except two margaritas I had down by the pool.

I woke up on the morning of and wanted to revisit something that was real and part of my past that had carried over to my future.  I dressed, jumped in my car and drove to the canal.  I remembered back in 1994 when Jim and I had walked the packed, dirt path.  It was all overgrown and not too many walkers or runners dared the solitary venue.  There was a friendly couple whose homestead had been grandfathered in by the state.  They lived in a small house down by the river and facing the canal path.  Since they had a land line-Jim and I decided it would be prudent to at least meet them.  They were a lovely couple-Key was their last name and I never knew their first.  We visited over the rock wall that separated their house from the pathway.

The years have come and gone, man has encroached on Nature and turned the canal into a real destination; with lights, landscaping and even a small museum.  The Keys disappeared first into a nursing home, and I heard she had Alzheimers and died.  Their house was torn down and I figured life just went on.  But on this birthday visit-I remembered a slice of the past that is only mine.

I thought about all my wonderful blessings-my husband, my children and dear, dear friends.  My life wasn't as exciting as I wanted it to be but it suited me and I was happy.

My husband  decided to build an outdoor kitchen for us in the backyard.   We already have a 40 foot pool and I initially just wanted a covered space so we could enjoy the backyard all year long.  He really outdid himself; we will have electricity and running water, plus a fireplace and TV.   I never envisioned this-I guess I never really thought about growing older with my husband.  I am so glad he thought about our future and values our life together.

You Have No Idea

I loved you with a love that surpasses all understanding
I fought hard to keep you in the light
When the dark came to snatch you away
God and I won.

It wasn't selfishness
I wanted to be there-always
And I was
For you and your brother

Leave the gun and take the canolli

Maybe it is just because I am reading a book about the Mafia, I finally get the quote about leaving the gun and taking the cannoli.  Life is short, leave everything behind that isn't enjoyable and grab the gusto.

Is this the lesson I need to take away?  Yes.

At some point, we need to stop paying attention to the unimportant stuff and focus on the sweetness of life.  It is so good and the good stuff  is all that matters to our well being.  But it has to be the right good stuff.  Too many sweets make us sick...and therein lies the rub.  We must be temperate in our appetites

But are we responsible for others?  No.