Selebrate Life - Selebrate You

I have worked hard all of my life and now it is paying off in spades.  All of the pitfalls and obstacles were magnified when I was a teenager because I suffered with epilepsy.  There was a thirty year period when I took a daily dose of anti-convulsants and trudged on though life.   This was also the time when I made my greatest achievements; I bore both of my children,    I was a great wife and the ultimate encourager  to my West Point officer husband.  I started my own magazine, realized that work, while important, is not the end all to life-raising healthy, adjusted children is more important, so I folded the magazine when the first issue was at the printer.  Even now, I laugh to myself and to my children and tell them they will spend years in therapy undoing the nomad existence that is the Army.  My greatest achievement is I lived to tell about it.  So many haven't.

I believe the quote from Winston Churchill about never, never, never giving up.  I didn't and now I don't know how.  I have been married 40 years, both of my children graduated from college and live on their own.  And I just returned from vacationing in China (bucket list), went to my husband's fortieth class reunion at West Point.  Life is good.  God is good. I realize that in life you accept the good and the bad with equal aplomb.  You figure things out and keep on truckin. 

In my waning years I have written and published a book of poetry and for the last seven years I have been teaching English at a local college (another goal of mine).  I may or may not start a small business.    Every day is a gift...

A Life With No Regrets

I used to just live my life and just do what I had to do and not think much about what others thought.

I used to think that was living my life with no regrets.

Now, how others feel abut what I do colors my thoughts and keeps me up at night.  Why?

Maybe I am getting older and find it difficult to deal with how others think I don't care.  That is not true.  I do care, care more than most.  I write out my feelings-that is how I have always dealt with it in the past. 

I do have regrets-I regret that I ever had epilepsy and took drugs for over 30 years.  I do regret what it has done to my mind and body.  Do I drink?  Yes.  Do I know why?  To forget for a while and feel like a normal person.  Only I have come to realize that alcohol is not the answer.  I have to deal with my reality.  I am not doing well. 

I try to exercise everyday, eat right and drink plenty of water.  Some days I fail miserably and beat myself up.  I just have to like me, what I have become and let go of the rest.  I cannot change it.  I need to enjoy being with my friends, if they like/love me then they will understand my quirky behavior.

My sisters do love me but they are scared of what I might do.  I am scared of what I might do.ha. 

I am aging.  I am not the cute little person I was before.  But I am smarter.  Caring about how others feel about me is smarter.  People who make my life harder than it has to be are part of life.  I can't change that only deal with it the best I can. 

Lots of things are that way.  I can only deal with my life the best I can.  I need to call Debbie and let her know I am not up for driving back to Arkansas.  I just can't do it.  That's okay.  I am working smarter and not harder.  I need to make my life easier and not harder.

Depression is a bitch.  I can't change that only deal with it.  Somedays the dragon wins. 

Think I'll go and paint....

Choose You

About ten years ago, I had an onerous cat.  One Christmas this cat peed in the water holder of the Christmas tree and then managed to tip he damn tree over spilling all of the urine tainted water all over the Christmas presents wrapped, oh so carefully,underneath the tree.

I was at first furious,  then I grabbed a bottle of wine, went next door to share it with my neighbor.  After about 45 minutes of joyous camraderie-I returned home, threw the tree into the woods off of the deck and then sailed the Christmas tree stand as far as I could.  To this day I do not know where it landed.

Life is all about attitude.  Life can be an onery cat, suck, unfair and just about anything else YOU WANT IT TO BE. 

I just read an obituary about a wondrous woman who always chose the bracelet.  One Christmas her stove died and her husband made her pick between a new stove and a diamond tennis bracelet.  She obviously chose the bracelet and figured if her husband got hungry enough-he would buy a new stove.  Attitude?  Positive thinking?  Common sense?  I think it is a combination of all three.

Secret Spot

For my 61st birthday, a group of my very dear friends took me to a tearoom out in the country in Hepzibah, GA.  It was magical, all the food was mixed up and baked by hand (scones, finger sandwiches, fresh strawberries, and cakes).  The table settings were carefully thought out and the whole afternoon was an AHHHH moment.

I was given a book as a present and in it is written a precious quote a day.  I will try to write a story or essay about the quotes that really speak to me.  What a great writing tool.

My friends are are so special and the best part is they like me!  Another friend gave me a "Wishnet".
It is a tiny metal birds nests with six metal birds.  Each bird is stamped with a different "wish" we all aspire to; love, wish, dream, courage, laugh and believe.  It is my own Three Coins in a Fountain. 

I also received a cloisonne apple with a tag that read an apple for the teacher.  Teaching has been my profession for over thirty years.  In some way, shape or form I have taught in a classroom, a boardroom, a business office and even a trailer...

Life is not always what we may want it to be but with good friends to help us along the way it is WAY better.

The Way Things Are

I am not sick
What I have is the getting older blues
If I want my life to get better
Then I have to make it that way

Sometimes it takes getting older
To realize what you have is not so bad

Change

 

 

Forty cents on a headstone

Waterlogged silk flowers

And a question

 

Why must change be something we search for?

It is just a way love can find its way out

And nickel and dime our hearts.

 

But the winds blow

And time enables our hearts and minds

To change

Oz the Great and Powerful

 

It was a Friday night in a sleepy, Southern town and there was nothing else to do so my husband and I opted to go to the movies.  We pulled into the parking lot and already lines were queuing up and spilling out into the street in front of the ticket window.

 

Jim bought two SENIOR tickets (I still hate that---you can look at me and tell I’m not a senior [no one has failed to sell Jim a senior ticket yet and we go to the movies at least once a week).  Anyway we headed inside and found the right cinema and sat down.

 

The show was cute and told the before story of the wizard of Oz.  It wasn’t long before that old familiar urge hit.  I jumped up and walked toward the door.  I quickened my steps as my bladder began to empty.  I made it to the bathroom too late and everything was soaked.  There was no toilet tissue and I had forgotten to put pads in my purse.  An extra set of clothes had been stashed in my car but we had driven my husband’s CR-V.  I quickly decided I had to drive back to the house and change.   It was problematic, but I managed to splash back to the movie theatre, find Jim, and tell him I was heading back home.

 

We only live about 5 minutes away so the drive home was a snap.  I sat on Jim’s golf towel to protect the seat.  I arrived home to the dark house and ran to the bathroom.  I kept hearing this strange pulsing sound.  I could only imagine that someone was breaking into the house.  As I sat on the toilet-I heard the sound again.  I stripped my wet clothes off and managed to turn on every light in the house.  I figured this would scare off the burglars.  I contemplated calling the police but this would mean I would have to dress myself again and I didn’t know if I had enough time.  Also, what if the burglars rushed me as I was pulling on my pantyhose?  I can only smile inwardly when I think of a half-dressed woman carrying a cell phone with pee still running down her legs.

 

I grabbed my robe and went outside to check the filter on the pool and then I turned on the lights in the shop—the only thing I disturbed was the damn cat. 

 

I drove back to the movie and sat back down by Jim.  We came home and Jim heard the sound.  He crawled under the house-thinking it might be the plumbing.  Then he climbed up in the attic and checked on the fan.  Our Ah-Hah moment came at the same time-it had to be my Mia facial brush beeping because the charge was low.  It was and the brush was vibrating against the shelf in the shower.  It was making a helluva racket.  Jim was stony faced and went to bed.  I on the other hand laughed my ass off-do I ever wonder why Men are from Mars and Women from Venus?

I Have No Master Plan

When I was younger, I had to have a plan of some kind with which to steer my life.  I was constantly asking myself deep questions about the future and how I wanted to guide the family. 

Now I am ready to break free and just do.  But it is scary.  There are no yardsticks to measure myself by, no obstacles like college to navigate and save for.  We are all footloose...except for my best friend who is raising her grandson as her own.  Maybe she is the happiest-she KNOWS  exactly what to do and how to do it.  The rest of us just have to sink or swim as well as we can.

I am reading an excellent book on aging-it professes to teach us that we need to venture beyond the familiar in order to locate the next version of ourselves.  It takes courage and moral strength. 

Isn't it damnable that life has no instruction booklet?  What's up with that?  It would be infinitely  more enjoyable and pleasant if we only knew what the next step was going to be.  My stomach growls and pitches whenever I have a choice to make-that seems to be most of the time.  I am slowing down, I need to be more aware, foolish mistakes are in the past and can't be rectified, the future is a big Question Mark so all we really have is today.  I think we all have to be ready to accept the consequences of our actions, either good or bad.

Somewhere in the mix, we have to expect greater and live with fearlessness and courage, to choose and nurture our relationships, and  out of this to be consistent; isn't  that an oxymoron?    And this particular slide toward death is optional but what else is there to do?

Just Walking at the Canal

Saturday mornings will never be the same
I used to rush around getting ready for soccer games and swim meets or cross country runs,
Now it is just me and my husband

I cherish these times just like I used to cherish the busyness of two rambunctious kids
More time for reflection
And enjoying the people we have become

Getting older does that
I used to think that wrinkles and gray hair were to be avoided
Now I like it-even feel like I have earned it.

Now my husband and I groan out of bed
Pulling our walking/running clothes on
I look forward to the sun rising over the water and the
Birds flitting and turtles inhaling the warmth of a well placed rock.


The Savannah River is such a mirror of life.  It has it all-busyness, constant movement, and yet, if you stroll and don't run
You see all the goodies of nature

The Life and Times of Rin Tin Tin

My brother sent me this when I turned fifty.  Needless to say, I have laughed out loud several times.  Those were the days before mortgages and raising kids...


Some of my earliest memories of Sharon are very painful for me.  The reason being that I usually ended up with my butt beat for either something she had done or somebody else had done and Sharon blamed on me.  Sharon blamed me for the Bay of Pigs Invasion.  I didn't know that pigs could swim.  If she had been in the Mafia, her life would have been very short.  The earliest incident of pain that I can remember is a car climbing mishap.  There was a new car that seemed to us like the perfect Mt. Everest.  So what do two enterprising young climbers do?  We climbed on top of it.  From back to front, front to back, side to side, we called this mountain climbed.  Unfortunately, the guy who owned the car was unimpressed with the bravado of our happy little feet.  Results were poor for Billy on this little adventure.  Little Billy got his butt beat while Sharon probably got taken out for ice cream. 

There seemed to be little I could get away with.  From smoking grapevines to looking at girlie magazines, Sharon, "The Bull" Gravano was there to make sure I was living a Godly life; running as fast as she could to Mom or Dad to squeal my latest transgressions.  Nothing went unnoticed; nothing went untold.  My Guardian Angel didn't know half the things my little sister knew.  But I survived; though Dad always liked her best. 

One of the funniest incidents involving Sharon was a phone conversation my mother was having with someone and they needed Sharon's entire name.  The person on the other end was having trouble understanding Sharon's middle name-Denise.  Finally my exasperated mother, in the best of military tradition, said "D" like dog.  Since then she has been known as Sharon Dog.  I'm so glad I remembered that. 

This has been a short foray into the life and times of Sharon Dog.  There are many incidents, too numerous to mention.  So I will bid a fond adieu to Rin Tin Tin and wish her the best of being half a century old.