When I was younger, I had to have a plan of some kind with which to steer my life. I was constantly asking myself deep questions about the future and how I wanted to guide the family.
Now I am ready to break free and just do. But it is scary. There are no yardsticks to measure myself by, no obstacles like college to navigate and save for. We are all footloose...except for my best friend who is raising her grandson as her own. Maybe she is the happiest-she KNOWS exactly what to do and how to do it. The rest of us just have to sink or swim as well as we can.
I am reading an excellent book on aging-it professes to teach us that we need to venture beyond the familiar in order to locate the next version of ourselves. It takes courage and moral strength.
Isn't it damnable that life has no instruction booklet? What's up with that? It would be infinitely more enjoyable and pleasant if we only knew what the next step was going to be. My stomach growls and pitches whenever I have a choice to make-that seems to be most of the time. I am slowing down, I need to be more aware, foolish mistakes are in the past and can't be rectified, the future is a big Question Mark so all we really have is today. I think we all have to be ready to accept the consequences of our actions, either good or bad.
Somewhere in the mix, we have to expect greater and live with fearlessness and courage, to choose and nurture our relationships, and out of this to be consistent; isn't that an oxymoron? And this particular slide toward death is optional but what else is there to do?
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