I almost believed I could, hot damn, the brass ring was so close. Just got a new little sports car and changed the way I wear my hair. I have lost 6 pounds and why am I not ecstatically happy? Isn't being younger the goal everyone?
I think it is being content with who you are-why am I not? The old bod is continually sliding southward. My tits are in my shoes, as it were. Crap, can my wrinkles get any deeper?
Tomorrow is another day, shall I think of it tomorrow? My husband adores me, my kids are a big question mark and everyone else I really don't care. Or maybe I do. I care that my mother loves me and that is about it.
I have done my best to be a good sister and I seem to have failed miserably or at least that is how I felt when my mom was in the hospital. Guess I'll just have to accept the fact that I might not be told when and if my mom is in the hospital. Families are just crazy.
Focus, focus, get back to me. I have great friends, in fact some are coming over tomorrow to honor the newly graduated West Pointers. I just had two screwdrivers and there is a reason why alcohol never solves problems-but it tastes better than milk...
The same could be said of crying in a hanky or crying in a BMW. The latter is so cool and if you are going to be sad, why not in a BMW?
You know every age has some type of angst associated with it. I didn't used to give a damn-think ill adopt that stance again.
I just asked my emotional wall of a husband (meaning he has concrete sand bags interspersed with his emotions, what he liked most about getting older. His reply was, "I really hadn't thought about it."
Really?-no thoughts about getting gray hair, losing/lacking anything sexual, deepening wrinkles, slowing down mentally and physically, and what about getting wiser? We are staring into that big abyss and he doesn't think about it??? Bah! Humbug! No help or sympathy there.
I think valuing people and relationships is probably pretty important. Maybe my brothers and sisters aren't so full of shit. Maybe they have good reason to be pissed at me-maybe not. I honestly have nothing malevolent in my heart against them. What I do have is a lot of self reliance-I figured it out as I went along, now it is their turn. Maybe I should have a lot more compassion on my kids...after all, they had to schlepp through childhood being dragged here and there. Although I was always there-maybe they feel that wasn't a great trade off.
That's it-people definitely make the difference.
