Selebrate Life - Selebrate You

I have worked hard all of my life and now it is paying off in spades.  All of the pitfalls and obstacles were magnified when I was a teenager because I suffered with epilepsy.  There was a thirty year period when I took a daily dose of anti-convulsants and trudged on though life.   This was also the time when I made my greatest achievements; I bore both of my children,    I was a great wife and the ultimate encourager  to my West Point officer husband.  I started my own magazine, realized that work, while important, is not the end all to life-raising healthy, adjusted children is more important, so I folded the magazine when the first issue was at the printer.  Even now, I laugh to myself and to my children and tell them they will spend years in therapy undoing the nomad existence that is the Army.  My greatest achievement is I lived to tell about it.  So many haven't.

I believe the quote from Winston Churchill about never, never, never giving up.  I didn't and now I don't know how.  I have been married 40 years, both of my children graduated from college and live on their own.  And I just returned from vacationing in China (bucket list), went to my husband's fortieth class reunion at West Point.  Life is good.  God is good. I realize that in life you accept the good and the bad with equal aplomb.  You figure things out and keep on truckin. 

In my waning years I have written and published a book of poetry and for the last seven years I have been teaching English at a local college (another goal of mine).  I may or may not start a small business.    Every day is a gift...

A Life With No Regrets

I used to just live my life and just do what I had to do and not think much about what others thought.

I used to think that was living my life with no regrets.

Now, how others feel abut what I do colors my thoughts and keeps me up at night.  Why?

Maybe I am getting older and find it difficult to deal with how others think I don't care.  That is not true.  I do care, care more than most.  I write out my feelings-that is how I have always dealt with it in the past. 

I do have regrets-I regret that I ever had epilepsy and took drugs for over 30 years.  I do regret what it has done to my mind and body.  Do I drink?  Yes.  Do I know why?  To forget for a while and feel like a normal person.  Only I have come to realize that alcohol is not the answer.  I have to deal with my reality.  I am not doing well. 

I try to exercise everyday, eat right and drink plenty of water.  Some days I fail miserably and beat myself up.  I just have to like me, what I have become and let go of the rest.  I cannot change it.  I need to enjoy being with my friends, if they like/love me then they will understand my quirky behavior.

My sisters do love me but they are scared of what I might do.  I am scared of what I might do.ha. 

I am aging.  I am not the cute little person I was before.  But I am smarter.  Caring about how others feel about me is smarter.  People who make my life harder than it has to be are part of life.  I can't change that only deal with it the best I can. 

Lots of things are that way.  I can only deal with my life the best I can.  I need to call Debbie and let her know I am not up for driving back to Arkansas.  I just can't do it.  That's okay.  I am working smarter and not harder.  I need to make my life easier and not harder.

Depression is a bitch.  I can't change that only deal with it.  Somedays the dragon wins. 

Think I'll go and paint....

Choose You

About ten years ago, I had an onerous cat.  One Christmas this cat peed in the water holder of the Christmas tree and then managed to tip he damn tree over spilling all of the urine tainted water all over the Christmas presents wrapped, oh so carefully,underneath the tree.

I was at first furious,  then I grabbed a bottle of wine, went next door to share it with my neighbor.  After about 45 minutes of joyous camraderie-I returned home, threw the tree into the woods off of the deck and then sailed the Christmas tree stand as far as I could.  To this day I do not know where it landed.

Life is all about attitude.  Life can be an onery cat, suck, unfair and just about anything else YOU WANT IT TO BE. 

I just read an obituary about a wondrous woman who always chose the bracelet.  One Christmas her stove died and her husband made her pick between a new stove and a diamond tennis bracelet.  She obviously chose the bracelet and figured if her husband got hungry enough-he would buy a new stove.  Attitude?  Positive thinking?  Common sense?  I think it is a combination of all three.