What Tree?

Every morning I tumble out of bed and groan my walking clothes on. I generally open the door and check the weather-today, it had been raining.

I decided to chance it and got ready for my morning habit. My husband was also getting dressed and I casually mentioned it had been drizzling.

I stepped out into the street and continued along my usual path. Everything was fine until I started heading back. It started to drizzle and I revved up my pace to a saunter (visions of Gene Kelley with an umbrella clouded my vision).

Then the heavens opened and I looked around for the ark. Instead I found an oak tree(thank God, it still had most of its leaves) and I parked my rain soaked body under it. I thought any minute my husband would come driving by and pick me up. I had already been passed by two cars, splashing through the streets. I would have stopped for the poor hapless woman in walking clothes and hair stuck to her head-but oh well...

I was becoming angrier and angrier as the minutes ticked by. I began to violently believe no one was coming to pick me up.

As I approached home, I figured my husband was down in the "shop" working out. No, the lights were off. He must be out running. I mentally ticked off how I was going to borrow my daughter's car (it was parked second in line in the driveway, my car was in the garage) and rescue my soaked husband. I got to the back door and it was locked-automatically my bladder went ape-shit-there must be a nerve in the door knob that connects directly to my walnut bladder and the urge was overwhelming. I ran to the kitchen door and squeaked/sloshed in. My very dry husband was sitting at the kitchen table sipping his morning coffee and reading the paper.

I stormed passed him on the way to a hot shower. I began explaining my morning to him and he was choking on laughter when he asked-what tree? I almost fell for it. I started decribing the neighbor's yard and I could see the suppressed guffaws in his eyes. I was livid. Now I know why men die first, if not their wives would fucking kill them.